4 Ways Therapy Transformed My Life
IT HEIGHTENED MY SENSE OF SELF-AWARENESS.
I am someone who believes we all know who we truly are at a young age. At that time we are fresh beams of light, ready to shoot off into whatever realms of happiness and joy the universe has guided us towards. Then, something happens and all of a sudden it’s hard to name our emotions, it’s hard to talk about our deepest dreams, to understand our feelings in a meaningful way. I would like to blame society for this change, but I know it’s so much more complex than that. We have come to view adulthood as synonymous with going through the motions to maintain norms that we ultimately lack passion for. If you don’t necessarily know what I mean by that, think back to the last time you ran into an old friend. Did they ask you how you were? Did you answer truthfully? Did you actually know the answer before they asked you?
Having a therapist taught me how important it is to ask myself how I’m doing regularly. Though I’ve always been a pretty self-reflective person, there was something life-changing about having a completely objective, yet invested, person help we work through the confusion of understanding how I’m doing when I can’t understand it myself. This deepened sense of introspection has been so rewarding in my life. As I delve deeper into why I am the way I am, and why I feel the emotions I feel, I have found it easier to name the steps I can take to be better. To be a better friend, to be a better sister, to be a better daughter, and most importantly, to be a better me.
IT HELPED ME DEVELOP HEALTHIER COPING MECHANISMS.
The subconscious mind is a powerful thing. I was quite alarmed at how easy it is to soak in toxicity and just how susceptible the human mind and spirit can be to negativity. This is where the coping mechanisms come in. These are the subconscious ways our minds process and react to certain triggers. Despite the negative connotations of triggers, they can actually be both positive and negative. It can be easy to automatically respond with a smile if someone greets you warmly, but what happens if they yell at you? What do you do when things or people in your life make you feel angry, sad, dejected? Do you cope with actions and behaviors that ultimately harm you? And harm doesn’t always mean physical, there are certain reactive behaviors we can do to harm ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
But who wants that?
The harm we inflict on ourselves in our times of stress and pain can create a vicious cycle that can never result in the actual healing that we seek. This was a powerful lesson for me to learn- the importance of intentionality when it comes to my reactions.
Speaking with a therapist about my habits, my trigger points, and my emotional history helped me identify the habits in my lifestyle that could be doing me more harm than good. And the best thing about it all? This help all comes judgement free. A good therapist will never invoke shame or guilt for your past mistakes. Instead, they help you map out a game plan where you can clearly pinpoint what you have learned from them and pave a healthy pathway forward. We all deserve to be kind to ourselves, and my therapy experiences have reminded me of that indisputable truth.
IT MADE ME DEAL WITH MY PAST TRAUMA.
I used to think that trauma had to be so extreme, I never acknowledged my unpleasant life experiences as just that. Trauma can be anything from getting bullied by your “friends” in 6th grade to experiencing forced sexual advances in the office. I experienced both extremes of this but only fully acknowledged one over the other. I remember the shock I felt, recounting my painful work experience to a counselor at Planned Parenthood* (shout out to free mental health resources), when the counselor referred to it as trauma. Yes, it caused immense hurt and had affected how I was operating in my day-to-day life. But trauma? Did I deserve to label it as such?
I mean, in my opinion, things could have been much worse. But that’s what therapy helped me challenge. The mental game of oppression olympics I used to rank the pain I’ve experienced in my life was not helping matters at all. I was scared that, if I owned the hurt and the emotions I felt towards past experiences, it would strip me of my power, of my agency in my life. I didn’t want to be a victim to my circumstances and my experiences, I refused to let that be my narrative.
Therapy helped me realize that, while that is all great, I deserve the opportunity to unpack my feelings. I deserve the chance to name my emotions and I have the right to be angry, to feel pain. I can re-situate certain narratives of my past in triumph knowing that I conquered the mountains in my way, not the passivity of experiences that happened to me. The human experience is riddled with so much that when we find ourselves bruised by some of the stumbles and falls in our paths, we owe it ourselves to attend to the pain. It is only then that the true healing comes.
IT HELPED ME FULLY LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE, FLAWS AND ALL.
Self-love is rooted in self-understanding. When you feel misunderstood by yourself, how can you respect your gut when it is telling you yes or no? How can you chase after your dreams when you don’t understand what role you are playing in your problems and successes. I am an avid journaler so a way that I got the most out of every session was by making a list of observations of my feelings or frustrations and I would bring them in as talking points to discuss with my therapist.
When you make the conscious decision to listen to what your body and soul are communicating to you, I truly believe that life gets a little rosier. This isn’t because pain will suddenly go away, but because now you’ll finally have your back when it happens. You are the only you that you have. Please, please, please do everything you can to show yourself love because you deserve it and the love you show yourself often sets the benchmark for what type of love you accept into your life.
Therapy may have made me aware of the areas of my life I could improve, but it also helped me configure a game plan for becoming the best Odemi I can be. I was no longer able to hide parts of myself in the shadows because I didn’t want to do the necessary work. There is something beautiful about the vulnerability therapy invokes, the way in which it exposes our naked selves. Walking in my truth became easier once I was able to fully identify what that looks like. And I love myself so much more for taking that leap forward.
*Planned Parenthood is a wonderful resource for women who are uninsured or seeking affordable healthcare provision! I was uninsured after leaving a toxic work environment last year and Planned Parenthood was a life saver. Visit the Planned Parenthood official site to learn more about the wide variety of services they provide.